Get to know YOUR Town!
In the town of Town, residents relax in this peaceful, modern suburban paradise. Town is nearly always sunny with a pleasant 70 degree average high.
Town is circular town, surrounding the old Derby family observatory. Town was founded in 1801 by Wilfred Town, who came to Town by the way of Weig in Northern Scotland.
In Town, winds are calm. The grass is always greener. And you can always expect a smile from a friendly neighbor.
Well, here is life-long Town resident Skip Valiant, how is it going Skip?
'Just fine Mr. Narrator, just fine. I'm out cutting the grass today. Plan on taking Jimmy to football practice later, then I'll pickup Jenny from choir practice.'
Skip, that sounds like fine afternoon you've got planned. Just fine. Say hi to Jimmy and Jenny for me.
'Will do Mr. Narrator.'
Wow, what a pleasant man. We do love being friendly around here. You might ask yourself, why wouldn't you want to live here?
Okay, well, I admit. We've had the occasional giant robot attack, of the infamous alien invasion of '29 but the towns' people of Town have always shown that justice prevails. American justice. Townsian justice.
When ever we need a hero, one of Town's people rises to the occasion. That's why we've setup Town Memorial "Hero" Hall, to honor those who have gone beyond normal call of duty.
Just take for example Professor Cliff Streamont, who single handedly saved us from Mad Scientist's evil plan # 204. If you weren't alive then or didn't read a paper, evil plan # 204 was a malevolent scheme which saw Mad Scientist contaminate the drinking water with sub-flouridiride. Sub- flouridiride, of course, is the nefarious man-made concoction that brings perpetual sadness to anyone who digests it. By putting sub- flouridiride, the Mad Scientist gave Townsians a permanent frown.
We just couldn't have everyone frowning like that. Bad for Town's image.
And good ol' Cliff, well, he found a cure. True, Professor Streamont's cure made us all perpetually happy in the process, but... I am too happy to complain about it! Ha! Got to love that Cliff.
And yes, the reason Town is always sunny and 70 degrees is a direct result of another one of Mad Scientist's diabolical schemes. Actually, it was Barron von Mad Scientist the first who found a way to stop the sun so it shines directly over Our Town year ‘round.
As a side note, we have since shortened the name Our Town to Town to avoid copyright issues with a famous writer. But that is another story.
Yes, the Barron's mad plan was ingenious really. As the Earth rotates, Town simply moves forward to keep itself directly in the sun's rays. Caused a bit of a problem with the map makers, but yeah, we always end up back right where we started.... eventually.
Well folks, we do hope you enjoy your time here in Town. Click on the map of the town to learn more about our great town.
See you soon!
John Narrator, City Council Member and resident Narrator
Sights to see.
1) Hand National Park. It is a giant hand imprint that was made during the siege of the giant robots. In the thumb of Hand National Park is Green Thumb Memorial Gardens, tended by aliens who took asylum in Town after the alien invasion of '29. Remember to check out the exotic plants never seen before by man! (Warning, if you are a man and you see the plants, you'll be transformed into a woman- we've got to keep our tagline folks, sorry).
Historical Note: Hand National Park was controversially enlarged during a revitalization plan spearheaded by Dotty Dadotfren. The enlargement project, completed in 1972, has brought more visitors to Town and also given the aliens who sought asylum in Town, refuge and a place to care for the strange alien plants that they brought with them.
For more information about the enlargement project, please visit the archives at Peabody Museum.
2) See the road to Nowhere! Yes, Town is the only place you can find the road to Nowhere. I've never been to the town of Nowhere, but I hear it you feel like you've been to somewhere after you've come back from Nowhere!
3) Digestion Disposal. We are always thinking green! Not just about Green Memorial Gardens, but about our dear old friend the environment. See how Townsians have put the remnants of The Mass to good use. The Mass, of course, was a secret military experiment gone awry. The Mass, a mindless, odorless, tasteless blob which grows exponentially by digesting everything in its path nearly ate Town altogether. If it weren't for a fearless Nowheregian, our town of Town would have been gobbled up. Luckily for us, the military let us keep a piece of the mass and Townsian Scooter Hill thought of a great way to use it. We simply add a mixture of sassafras and cherry flavored bubble gum into the Mass's diet to help keep its growth under control. And with that, Town is pleased to have no landfills, no trash littering its streets- we only have The Mass!
4) Rain Avenue. Where does Town gets its water? From Rain Avenue. It does rain in Town, but only in Rain Avenue. Some folks like it. Some folks hate it. But if you bring your flannel and grow a goatee, we know you'll fit right in! Listen to some of the best music in the world (or at least in Town) and drink some of the best java a Javarian moon slave can make!
And remember folks, if you can't find us on the map, that's okay, neither can we! We still hope to see you soon though!